And sometimes self-care looks like letting myself feel the fullness and depth of my pain
Instead of trying to polish it away
Aching body
Nauseous
Sick to my stomach
So sick
Can’t get out of bed
Crawling out of bed
Heartbroken
It’s admitting that I’m anxious and feeling weighed down
Things are heavy
The kind of heavy that can’t be soaked or scrubbed off
Who will understand?
It’s wishing for a moment to catch my breath
Where is the moment to catch my breath?
Claiming a moment to catch my breath
It’s sitting in the fullness of my grief
Our shared grief
Tears that make my body shake
Wailing
Wailing
Wailing
And sometimes self-care is in the full expression of weariness and wordlessness of my tired soul
Exhausted
Fatigued
So tired
Soul-tired
It’s my toes in the grass
knees in the dirt
Sun on my back
Fists pounding earth
Moaning
Beating
Pleading
Enough
It’s too much
I was just beginning to catch my breath
Yes, this is self-care too.